Before the Adoption…

Our doctor barely made it to the ward before G was out. The Uber driver thanked his lucky stars she waited until I was out of the car at least. It was a blink-and-you-miss-it delivery. Well, guess what? Second babies come at an even more dramatic pace!

At least with G, I had 9 months to tell people (not to mention tell myself) that I had a baby coming. With baby #2, who is adopted, I got to say words I never thought I would: “I may be having a baby next week.” 😅

That’s literally all the notice we had. We couldn’t tell all the people we would have liked to; there simply wasn’t enough time before we brought baby # 2 home.

Though I’ve had over fifteen years to consider the idea of adoption, and another three to discuss it with G and the husband, the reality of it hits like a whirlwind.

My husband used to be my manager and I still quake in my shoes when he sits me down for his talks! He forces me to pause and address the difficult questions. One such biggie was – why do you want a child? Is it something you do because it’s expected of you by society? Is there some underlying expectation that the child will look after you later? Is it just a biological imperative?

The questioning went up several notches when we debated having a second child. Who was this child for? What would it change? Was there some rosy picture of sibling relationships in our heads that may not actually materialise in real life?

We spoke about adoption before we spoke about marriage. It’s something we wanted to do, individually and then together, for years. That said, it brought up the hardest questions.

Much as these questions are uncomfortable, if you’re considering adoption, please do ask yourself too – Why are you choosing to adopt? Does it somewhere feel like this is a ‘good’ or noble thing to do? Does it reinforce an image in your head of the kind of person you are, or the kind of person you would like people to see you as?

It’s difficult for me to verbalise this to people who have the best intentions: There are many amazing ways in which we can make the world a slightly better place, by donating time and money. But adoption isn’t/shouldn’t be about charity or doing good. Imagine the pressure that puts on the adoptee; it’s something they never asked for in the first place!

We didn’t adopt because we wanted to ‘save’ a child; we adopted because we wanted to have one ❤️

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